How I became a better mom to my teens

I had a very troubled teen that was totally out of control. This was despite all of our efforts to shield our children from bad influences. I had done all I knew to do. I had prayed a lot, taught God’s Word and tried to be a good example for my children.

I kept asking myself: “What did I do wrong?” I blamed myself, thinking that somehow I was responsible.

An eye-opening verse

But then I read a verse that had a really eye-opening effect for me. It was this verse in 1 Timothy 2:15: “Nevertheless she will be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith, love and holiness, with self-control.”

This took my eyes off my teen and put the magnifying glass on me.

Right away I started to measure myself to this word: was I continuing in faith for my teen and myself, even though the situation looked bleak? Was I showing love, even when they didn’t “deserve”  or want it? Were my actions guided by holiness and self-control? I noticed some temptations in my thoughts, that weren’t in line with God’s Word. Thoughts of doubt regarding the situation, for example. I also struggled with fear and picturing the worst-case scenario. So I really fought against these thoughts using Hebrews 4:12 as a weapon: “For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.”

It was so easy to get sidetracked by the “offenses” of my teen. I wondered why, after everything I did for them, couldn’t they see or understand? These thoughts had to be cleansed out of my mind. After a lot of prayer and reading God’s Word to encourage myself, I saw so much work that needed to be done in me. I thought, “How can I point fingers at my teen, when I have so much to work on myself?” That’s when I saw how much mercy God had on me, even when I didn’t see my own need and was so determined to change my teen. I didn’t realize I was trying to control my situation and needed to give everything into God’s hands.

Eyes of mercy

More and more I started seeing my teen with eyes of mercy. God had loved me even while I was still a sinner. I began to take a different approach; I accepted that I couldn’t do the work, only God could, so my prayer life vastly expanded. Now my needs were handed over to Him. I knew now that God couldn’t accomplish what He wanted to in my trials, if I was still holding on to my own strength. These are such high thoughts to think that somehow I could accomplish anything good of myself!

So I entrusted my teen totally into God’s hands. And yes, God did do an awesome work, even though it took years. I was growing in blind faith. No matter what happened from that point on, or how the situation looked, I knew my children were in God’s hands. He would not allow anything to happen that I couldn’t bear. (1 Corinthians 10:13; 2 Peter 1:3)

Such peace filled my heart, like I had never known! I didn’t look at the storm, but only into Jesus’ eyes. Just like Peter when he was walking on the water. God could save my teen and me.