This was the solution that I really needed

Many times in the past I have wondered why it’s so hard for me to forgive people when I think they wrong me.

Why do I bear grudges so long? Why can I not forget injustices, even though I do think I’ve forgiven? Why do these things fester? I knew there had to be an answer, something that was deeply seated in myself, but the answer was a long time coming. It had to be a lack of love, right? But why then do I lack love?

By nature, I’m not much of a people person. I don’t “suffer fools gladly” and I take offense easily, because I am a sensitive person. I knew there was nothing wrong with my being sensitive in itself, as it also makes me an empathetic and caring person. So what was wrong?

I also find I have very high expectations of others. I have tried all my life to follow the golden rule and do unto others as I would have them do unto me. (Luke 6:31) But when I feel like they don’t do likewise, my guard goes up and I regard them with disdain. I find I then tend to avoid certain people, rather than address the issue underlying my behavior.

And there we have the answer to my questions, which Jesus has recently revealed to me. If I am regarding others with disdain then what is the other side of that coin? I am regarding myself above them. I am ignoring the verse “… but in lowliness of mind let each esteem the other better than himself.” (Philippians 2:3)

The answer to my “whys”

All those “whys” I had came down to one thing.

I found myself guilty of all this: pride, lack of humility, considering myself better than my fellow man. People that God created with as much love, care and perfect purpose as He had me.

So now I have begun to pray every day that I may lose my pride and grow further and further on the way down. I can never truly love my fellow man, my friends, my family unless I pursue humility. I can’t comfort, bless or encourage the others if I am filled with my own importance. I need to hate my pride through and through.

I am an artsy person and very often have creative projects on the go. Recently, one after the next, my projects have had things go wrong and break. I wondered why and got very frustrated.

Again I had a revelation. As I had been praying for God to break down my pride, He had started answering in a very practical way! And He will continue to help me in other ways too, and give me grace that I can be freed from my pride in all its forms so I can grow as a disciple and love and bless the others.

“And what does the Lord require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God.” Micah 6:8.